I'm back! But not for long. Teehee.
I'm here to put an official notice on my upcoming hiatus for this account.
It seems like I really don't have the time to blog nowadays, and even when I'm online, I don't visit LJ.
Instead, you can find me on Facebook or deviantART most of the time. (:

So, I'm putting my LJ account on hiatus for.. I don't know how long, but yeah.
See ya guys when I see ya! <3
 
 

"Are you okay?"
The thing that you would ask me all the time whenever he crossed my mind.
The 'him' that had stabbed my heart repeatedly two years ago.
The 'him' that had cruelly left me behind to go for some other girl.

He, was the one that I had loved the most throughout my entire lifetime.
With all my heart and all my desire, I had never stopped loving him.
But I never thought that he'd leave me behind like that one day.
Walking away with only a "It's not you, it's me."

I still remember how I went home after that that night.
My clothes were soaking wet because of the cold rain.
And my cheeks were soaking wet because of my own saline tears.
I knew I had looked like a real mess when I saw myself in the mirror that very night.

But then again, those things were nothing as compared to my heart, wasn't it?
My heart that was soaking wet with the blood dripping from the wounds
That he had inflicted without thinking.

And I still remember how you had rushed all the way from your house to mine.
A journey of one hour, you changed it into fifteen minutes.
Just because you were worried about me,
And just because you wanted to make sure that I was fine.

And then every single night, you would be in my room, putting me to bed.
You would never leave my side until I had stopped thinking about him and shut my eyes.
How you would run your fingers slowly and carefully through my hair until I had fallen asleep,
That, I could never forget.

It took me more than a year to forget about him.
But you had never left my side even once all those while.
Patting my head and wiping away my tears every single night, you smiled at me and said,
"That's what friends are for. I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

But then it soon felt like I was just being selfish and heartless to you.
Because as time goes by, I was beginning to get used to your warm hands and gentle smile.
Because every single night before I go to bed,
The only thing that could put me to sleep was your soft whisper saying goodnight.

I soon started forgetting about him just because you were there.
Because you were there to take away all of my pain, eventhough I hadn't realised it then.
Because you were there to make me smile and forget about him.
Because you were there to make me feel loved once again.

"I don't know why he had chosen to break the heart of the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen,
But just remember one thing.
That for as long as I'm here, I will never let you go through the same painful experience all over again.
Because to me, you are the most precious girl that I would want to protect in this world."

"I would never want to lose you."

4 years and 8 months.
It had been that long since it happened.
So why is the memory of it still etched so permanently in my mind till today?

I thought the promise that we made on that very day,
The promise that we made to each other,
Was just a lie to comfort our burning hearts that were throbbing with undeniable pain.
On the day that you had to leave me behind and walk away.

"I'll come back soon. I promise. Wait for me."
Was what you had told me when you held on tightly to my hands.
Unlike you, I just smiled and held back my own set of tears.
I was going to believe you like how I would usually.

I knew because,
You were never the type to break promises.
You wouldn't break this promise to me either.

Though as hard and as painful as it was,
As much as my heart was shattering into pieces as yours was,
I kept that faith in me and watched your back slowly disappear out of my sight, completely.

But three years after you had left,
Three years after I slowly learnt the true meaning behind the word 'loneliness',
I decided to seal that promise away within the deepest depths of my heart.

You wouldn't come back, I thought to myself.
No, you wouldn't come back for me.

Four years then slowly passed.
I was still waiting, eventhough I was supposed to forget.
The picture of us together on my birthday was still hanging there on my wall.
Bare, lonely, and filled with bittersweet memories.

Just like my very own heart, I realised.
There was no way I could get rid of it with my own two hands.

During the 4 years, I hadn't received a word from you at all.
But then eight months after that,
After I was finally able to start forgetting about you,
You walked back into my life, ever so abruptly.

And it was just four months more to our fifth 'separation anniversary'.

Eventhough we were standing at the end of the room, far from each other,
I could never forget that smile that you wore on your face.
It was like you had been fine all these while without me.

No pain, no scars, no regrets.
Nothing at all.

While all these while,
I felt all the pain and loneliness that one could ever feel in one's lifetime.
But now it seems like I was the only one feeling that way.

Honestly speaking,
Your smile was quite the opposite of the expression that I was wearing on my face.
You looked like the past 4 years and 8 months without me was nothing at all.

And besides,
That girl standing beside you was enough proof for that, wasn't it?

So was it the feeling of happiness, or was it relief?
Was it my disappointment, or was it just my selfishness?
As much as I had wanted to run up to you and hug you like I've always did,
I held back my jumbled-up emotions and walked out of the room instead.

Because this time round, I've decided.
That it would be my turn.
To walk away from you,
Out of your life completely.

Although you had pushed that girl away and ran after me,
Although you had said that that girl was just a friend to you,
And although you had told me that you weren't able to forget about me at all,
I think that it's my turn to live now.

For 4 years and 8 months, I wasn't able to forget about you.
For 4 years and 8 months, I wasn't able to live my life at all.
But after seeing that you had been fine all these while,
I think that I'm able to do just that.

And you know something else that's funny?
4 years and 8 months ago, you promised me that you would come back,
And that I should wait for you.
But this time round, 4 years and 8 months later, it's my turn to say,

"I won't be coming back to you. Don't wait for me anymore."